Confessions of Vengeful Heart

One personality flaw that I have had to work on all of my life is vengeance. I know that I should not feel the need to take revenge, and usually I keep this desire under control. I have trained myself not to act on my vengeful feelings for a few days after I feel the urge. This time allows the feelings to simmer down and allows reason to take over. For several years I would just think of perfect revenge and act out the scenario in my mind, and then I would let it go. I thought I had progressed to feeling compassion for the offending party, as I tried to see his or her point of view. But this morning all of my self reported progress went down the tubes.

I originally heard that Dr. Nidal Malik Hasan, the shooter at Fort Hood, had died by being shot to death by a female police officer at the scene. Good, I thought, at least it will be closure for the families of the victims. Then I heard he was still alive, but in the hospital due to his gun shot wounds. Well, at least he will be questioned and we will find out his sick motives for this shooting ,which will bring closure for the victims' families who have to know why. Then, this morning, when I woke up I heard on the news that he is paralyzed from the wounds he received. My feeling about this was not glee, but a feeling that he was getting what he deserved. Not only will he be locked up in a military prison, he will be guarded by the brothers in arms of the men and women he assaulted and killed, all of this while he is imprisoned in a wheel chair. I am hoping the guards feed him a solid diet of pork: bacon for breakfast, pulled pork sandwiches for lunch, and pork ribs for dinner. While they are at it, they should give him marshmallows for dessert for every meal.

So, obviously, I am back to square one on overcoming my desire for vengeance.

This whole situation makes me sick. As a member of a military family I think it is particularly evil that this man was an officer and a doctor. He was in a position of trust and privilege. Who were the geniuses who decided to transfer this troubled man to another base when he was being watched by the FBI for pro-terrorism statements on the web? It kind of reminds me of the abuse the Catholic church perpetrated on its members by transferring around pedophile priests to new and unsuspecting congregations. I hope that this problem will be investigated because our active duty military members deserve better treatment than this.