Two Funerals in a Row. A Third in the Works?

Saturday, August 23,2008 was my mother's funeral. Usually, if you attend a close family member's funeral you get a pass and do not have to attend any one's funeral for at least 6 months. You just have to use terms like its too soon or my grief is too fresh. Everyone understands this and no one wants to see you crying uncontrollably in public. So how did I end up at a funeral one week later?

On Wednesday morning, August 27th, I got a call from Pat telling me that she had just received a call from Sammy Owen who could not wake up her Father. She called 911. He had had a massive heart attack sometime that morning. He had gone for a period of time without oxygen. Pat said the situation looked grim. She was right. He was taken to the hospital and put on life support. Life support was removed on Friday and he died shortly after. Cindy did not have money for a burial so she decided to donate her husband's body to science. She was planning to have a little memorial cookies and punch reception at her house in lieu of a funeral. I was called by Pat and Dorothy to help plan this little event. I could not just sit by and help plan an event that was so short on what was needed. I brought up the point that a death without a funeral was like shacking up. Sure you could do it but was it good for the kids. Dorothy called All Saints Catholic Church and put a memorial service together for the next day. So how did I end up at a funeral one week after my mother's funeral? I insisted that one be held and helped plan it. You can't really do that kind of thing without attending.

I am going to have to say it was a beautiful service. It was comforting and dignified. Matt Owen's brother did the eulogy. He is a doctor and gave statistics about deaths from first heart attacks. He also linked his brother's death to his use of cigarettes. In addition he told stories about how his brother was always there to help him almost instantly and with out question. John Wiseman sang I feel My Saviors Love and I know That my Redeemer Lives. This was when I felt the freshness of my grief. I really had a hard time during the last song especially because it was a sung at my mother's funeral. Fortunately, Karen Holburn had a pack of Kleenex in her purse so that I could wipe my eyes and blow my nose. I was a mess.

After the service, we went to Cindi's house where we had some wonderful platters of food provided by Jason's Deli and paid for by one of Pat's neighbors who had heard about the Owen's problems and had compassion for them. We live in a really great neighborhood. There is so much support! The elementary, junior high, and high school PTA's all sent out letters to let everyone know what happened and about the special account set up to help this family out. Matt was only 50 years old. They have a 15 year old daughter and a set of twin boys who are 13.

I have really been worried about my son Jeff. I have not heard from him in two months but his friends had heard from him as late as a month ago. I was telling my father that I am going to give him one more week before I start to panic. I need a few days to clean my house and work on the yard before I start on the next disaster. My father decided that he could start to panic today. I think that is because I cleaned up his house really thoroughly last week and he does not worry about the yard. He called the police department in the town we last knew that Jeff was in. They have no record of him. This is good and bad. He is not in jail but where is he? He also called a Navy recruiter where Jeff should be drilling. They could not share any information because of privacy issues but they promised to give him the message if he is actually drilling there. Bob checked the mail today and found his phone bill . He has not made or received a call since July 21. I got to thinking about this and I have a new theory. I think he lost his phone or broke it. Megan and Rachael got on Facebook and found that he had signed in on August 24. That was six days ago. You can't sign into Facebook if you are dead. I had Megan leave a message for him about how we are looking for him and how he should call. The message also contained info on how to replace a phone even if he still has time left on his contract. I am still looking forward to hearing from him.

Having lost a child has made me kind of weird. I know that any of my children could die at any moment and this is pretty hard to bear. Where is my hope? I think I buried it with Matthew. But so far it does not look like I will be attending a funeral for the third Saturday in a row.