Tuesday, September 7, 2010

By The Numbers

Forty Percent....Gone.

If I break it down by the numbers that is my loss so far.  Five  kids, two gone. Forty percent of my posterity gone.

I have always been a numbers person and in the generations of time this is the lasting effect.  No matter how I try to intellectually, spiritually, or emotionally justify Jeff's death, this is the number that keeps boiling up to the surface.

I am truly grateful for all of the prayers, thoughts, flowers, favors, cards and rides for Joe sent my way.  I wish I wasn't the type of person who has to do the math.

165 comments:

Fisher Family said...

You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Wanted you to know Alyse made it home safely. Thanks for your time with her and taking her to the airport, she really appreciated it.

Megan said...

I must have gotten my numbers personality from you because this is the same thought that keeps going through my head. It makes Jeff's death that much more depressing.

Melanie said...

Bonnie, I'm so sorry to hear about Jeff. You all will be in our prayers.

Unknown said...

YOU are in my prayers. No words. If I was there, you would be wrapped in my arms.

Deanna said...

You have always been TOO good at numbers Bonnie. Like Megan said, it makes Jeff's death that much more depressing.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
laurennicolelove.com said...

Bonnie,

I cried reading this. I cannot fathom the pain and the ache in your heart. I will be praying and hoping for a supernatural strength, peace and comfort for you. Mothers are incredible gifts to the world - my appreciation goes out to you as a girl who has been blessed by many surrogate mothers in her life. Continue to press on in love, and I am certain that you will continue to reap the rewards of everything you have sown as more and more time passes.

In compassion,

Lauren

"So we fix our eyes on the unseen, not on the seen. For it is the unseen that is eternal, and the seen that is temporary."

her said...

My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry about your heartbreak. I'm sending prayers your way.

Unknown said...

Bonnie, I'm sorry to hear about your tragic loss.
You are so strong and so special in God's eyes - you are in my thoughts and prayers.

As You Wish said...

My heart is heavy for your lossses. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

sending warm hugs and support your way,
Lori

Megan !!! said...

Bonnie, my heart goes out to you, your family, and everyone Jeff touched in this world. His spirit lives on, and his energy can be felt all around you. Even as I type this, there's a warmth I think he's emanating.

You are loved beyond measure, and have an army of angels surrounding you. Let them wrap you in their softest wings, stroke your hair, and support you during this time. All you ever need to do is call them in your mind, and they're right there with you in an instant.

Sending you strength, compassion, and peace of mind.

From my heart to yours,
Megan

As You Wish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eclecticFLgirl said...

Bonnie, I'm praying for you & your family.

"God heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)

kxm said...

Bonnie:

You have suffered the unthinkable not once, but twice. My heart breaks for your loss, and I will pray that you will somehow find solace. I am so very sorry for your loss.

With prayers and love,

kxm

Marie Elena said...

Bonnie -

You don't know me, but I wanted you to know that I'm praying for you. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through, but you should know that time will help to ease the pain until you get to see your sons again.

Thinking of you!

Nicole said...

Sending love your way, Bonnie!
Be strong.
<3

Emily Hornburg said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Bonnie. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose 2 children. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

OhMyHeart said...

Bonnie, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Even though you're a numbers person, I know the right brain is taking over for this tragic toll on your family. I'm sending lots of strength, warmth and remembrance vibes to you and your family.

Love, Emma

Katy Morgan said...

I was once told the phrase "the candle that burns brightest burns half as long" I hope that you can hold on to those words as you think of Jeff.
I am so sorry for your loss. Know that there are many, many people who are keeping you in their thoughts.
Katy x

Anonymous said...

Bonnie, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. No one should have to lose their child--especially not two. I can't imagine what you are going through. No one can. Much love.

Kate said...

I cannot say that I have felt your pain, and it would be arrogant of me to assume that I have by trying to offer upbeat inspiration. And this really isn't the time for that. I have no right to claim any sort of comprehension of what you must be going through- those boys were- are- your flesh and blood, an extension of your heart. But I can say with confidence that they undoubtably loved you, and that nothing, not even death can take that away from you.

Take time to be with yourself, with your loved ones, to grieve and vent and cry and succumb to confusion and to allow yourself to experience whatever you feel at any given moment. Right now , all you can do- all you should do- is look after yourself and do what your heart tells you.

alex parker said...

Although I haven't experienced anything like what you are going through right now, there are many others who have, so please remember that you are not alone in this.
Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, because it's exactly at times like these that your loved ones come into their own. Showing you're upset is not showing weakness.
I realise don't know you, but you have my deepest sympathy and love right now.
Alex

Possible World said...

Bonnie,

My heart goes out to you in this time of terrible loss.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Unknown said...

God bless you and your family through this tragic time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

- said...

Good luck, Bonnie.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I wish you strength and good will going forward.

May you find peace.

Best,
Kiteza

Jen T said...

I know there are no words...but I just want you to know that my thoughts are with you.

Laura Wynn said...

Bonnie, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank heavens we can have our families forever. It's truly a blessing.

Miss C. said...

No word is strong enough to ease the pain you must be going through right now but you seem like an amazingly strong woman and for your 60% remaining by your side, you must keep on going. I'm sending all the hugs and love i have your way and hope you'll get some peace of mind soon.

Sara said...

Bonnie, please accept my condolences. I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but my heart aches for you. Please just know that there are people praying for you and your family from afar.

Stay strong, and keep your boys close to your heart.

Laura said...

Bonnie, I'm so sorry to hear of your awful loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. With love.

Anonymous said...

Angel blessings from afar. Sending comfort to your heart.

Sara said...

There are no words I can possibly offer. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you during this terrible time.

With lots of love, prayers, and hugs,
Sara

Just me said...

I am so sorry for your loss. No one should have to lose one child, let alone two. The fact that you are carrying on shows what incredible strength you have, and I am praying that this strength will grow so that you can continue to move forward. Take care x

Melissa said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Megan said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers
Megan
xo
"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."
~Author Unknown

Raven said...

I cannot imagine your loss and pain. It makes my heart ache just to imagine it. Know that you have many virtual hands reaching out for yours to hold and support you through this time, even from afar. I will be holding your whole family in prayer and light.

jendycksprout said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I just lost my mother and I can at least gain comfort after reading your posts knowing I am not alone.

c. marie said...

Bonnie, you are loved and supported and you shouldn't hesitate to use that love and support as you heal. We grieve with you.

Anonymous said...

No mother deserves to lose a child.. you hit a double whammy. But have faith, karma will bring something amazing in your life. I'm sorry about your two losses. God bless you!

Lani Gerity said...

Dear Bonnie,
Be strong, have faith, and know you are loved!
Yours,
Lani

Raine said...

I am so sorry. **HUGS**

Kathie said...

I will be praying for you and your family and sending tons of love in your direction.

Betsy said...

I can't even begin to understand the pain of losing a child, but I have a lost someone I dearly loved. Let your heart heal and feel the love of others as they share your sorrow.

Beth

Melissa Hope said...

Bonnie,
Remember, you still have 60% that still love you and are there for you. At this time, it's important to try to remember to focus on those that are still around. They all love you and care for you.
you.can.get.through.this.

Anonymous said...

You are in our thoughts, stay strong Bonnie. Good things will come again.

jo said...

Hi Bonnie,
You dont know me, i am writing from the UK but just wanted to say how sorry i am for your loss, but how i really believe he and your other son matthew will always be with you, they are now taking care of each other. I know this may not be of comfort now, but maybe it will be in the future. Your blog is lovely, i am so so sorry and will be keeping you in my prayers.
jo

Jen said...

My heart goes out to you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jessica (aka Faeanne) said...

My heart aches for you. Being a mom myself and knowing how strong a mother's love is- I can't imagine the hurt you're feeling right now. I don't know what the right words to say to bring you any measure of comfort- I wish I did. All I can tell you is to let your family & friends hold you and help you through this dark time. And if it helps any- know you're being sent virtual ((((Hugs)))) from me. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Lisa said...

I have tears welling up in my throat. I cannot imagine the loss...and yet the love that is still inside of you and your families as you wake up and start anew each day.

I have dealt with unbelievable loss and yet will never claim to understand that of another. Please know that the love I felt from friends and family warmed me even when problems did not have answers...and that it is that love that I pass along to you (even via these black and white letters).

Jes said...

Bonnie, you don't know me, but my heart breaks for you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Eva said...

"In my beginning is my end. In my end is my beginning." -T.S. Eliot

You are not alone. We are all here and we want to help. I am so sorry for your losses. Just keep moving forward. It becomes all that's left.
(((hugs)))

Kaitlin said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you lots of love and support for this tough time.

Your family will be in my thoughts.

Amy said...

I hope it helps to know that somewhere, someone, is hurting for you and wishing you strength. Jeff's laughter and smiles and hugs will be a part of you forever. And without you, he wouldn't have been here to enjoy all the beautiful, hilarious, and meaningful moments in his life. That's the greatest gift you could have given him. Deepest wishes for peace and comfort to you.

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss... I know it's not difficult to deal with and many people deals with death differently, you use your numbers. I'm pretty sure Jeff still lives in all the things you do. Have faith and everything will be ok.

Hugs

Emma said...

Bonnie, I'm sending you many, many wishes for peace and comfort today.

Samantha Grace said...

Bonnie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I'm sure you think about Jeff and your other son everyday. Just know they're in Heaven now and I will pray for them and you and your husband everyday.

God Bless,
Samantha Grace

Unknown said...

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened" Dr. Suess

Sending you and your family lots of love and healing energy.

Debbie

sophanne said...

Bonnie and Bob- sending compassion your way.

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is painful to know another person is feeling so much pain, and there really is not a thing anybody can do to fix anything. But you are loved. And you are not alone.
Love,
Kimberly

Amy said...

My heart goes out to you, it really does. You are in my prayers. I'm so sorry, I sympthasise with you so so much. Much love to go your way. xx

Caroline said...

Without knowing you, I share in your pain. My heart and prayers go out to you, your husband, and your three children. I hope that you will be able to support each other and grow even stronger as a family as you cope with this loss together.

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry and can't begin to imagine how you feel. It's a terrible, unfair, and inexplicable thing when a parent loses a child.
You and your family are in my thoughts, and my heart goes out to all of you.

Lisa said...

Bonnie,

I am a mother of two children and I can not imagine the pain of losing not one child but two. My heart goes out to you and you and your family are in my thoughts. I cried when I read this post because I know how mothers are with children and each and every one of them are a piece of you. May your heart be filled with love from those who have you in their thoughts miles away. If only for one day.

Lisa
Roseville, Minnesota

Bethany Susan said...

I don't know what words will help you right now, but I know what number would help me if I were in your situation. 60%. The kids you have now. And that's not even counting all the other family and friends in your life. Don't look back, unless it's a good view. Maybe you're not ready to let go of grieving yet, and that's perfectly fine. Someday you will be, so remember to keep the relationships you still have to cherish alive for when you are ready to pick them back up. :hugs from a stranger:

Caiti said...

I am so, so sorry. I cannot even imagine your pain. I am praying for you and your family that you have strength and comfort. Sending lots of hugs & love

Genevra said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We don't know each other, but I wanted to wish you great courage and faith in getting through this. It seems you are surrounded by a great well of support, and I hope you are able to find peace over time. You will be in my prayers.

Lillian C said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope it doesn't sound hollow to say this, but stay strong and keep moving forward. I will be sending all my well wishes your way. You'll be in my thoughts.

Clean Eating Chelsey said...

Bonnie, my heart cries out for you. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you!

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts. Numbers are just numbers and words are just words, but both are powerful.

Try to concentrate on the beauty in the words. You are being thought of and hoped for all around.

My condolences.

--Kristin

Unknown said...

bonnie, you don't know me. i lost one child. i can't even imagine losing two. there are no words that will comfort you. praying for strength, courage and guidance as you struggle through this. know you are not alone.

goodtwin said...

Bonnie, Just sending you a 'love bomb' today in hopes that you get great satisfaction from prayers for comfort coming your way from what you think is a stranger, but we are all one big family to God.
May HIS peace fill your heart today and always.

Miss Lissy said...

Every loss hurts, but t hey were in your life for a reason. God will make a way for you to get through this. We are praying for you.

Camp Schumacher said...

Dear Bonnie,

I hope my little "love bomb" can, in some inexplicably small way, help you today. I hope my tears for your family can help to fortify you, if only for the moment you read this. I hope you can feel the good energy I am sending you.

I hope for you.
Casey Beck.

Unknown said...

Bonnie,
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. May God Bless you all.
Cathy Streight

Annie Elise said...

I am so sorry for your loss and am thinking about you and your family.

Sending positive thoughts your way and hoping you find strength to cope.

missydopop said...

Bonnie-
I am incredibly sorry for your families loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. May Jeff's legacy stay vivid in your heart always.

Alise said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, let alone two. Know that I am praying for your peace and for peace in your family as well. You're loved.

Inia Pece said...

I'm sorry for your loss. =[
You're struggling through a terrible time, probably the worst, but as far as I can see, you have a wonderful family, and tons of people that love you, even knowing it's not the same it used to be. But you must believe that what happened, happened for a reason. God lent you 2 angels, they're physically gone now, but I'm pretty sure both of them helped you become who you are today. Thank God for that, even when it's hard to understand His plans.
Have a wonderful day, and you and your family will be in my prayers. Be strong! =]

Brandon said...

Bonnie,

I am incredibly sorry for your loss. No one will ever be able to fully understand what you are fighting with right now, but know that you are being prayed for and thought about constantly. You are in my thoughts and prayers to be sure. I will not pretend I have any idea what it is like to lose something so incredibly precious to me, but know that there is so much love in this world to help you and sweep you up into its cradling, welcoming arms. Know that your sons are dancing with Jesus, and that there are an incredible number of people supporting you. God bless and keep you always.

paper-n-soul said...

I'm so sorry. Please know that your sons are never far from you. You are loved, profoundly.

ek said...

My heart aches for you and your family. I hope you find encouragement in your 'Love Bomb' and know that you are loved. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My prayer is for comfort and strength. You have many that depend on you to get them through - I hope this helps to bolster you to continue to be the constant, loving and supportive wife and mother that you are.

Unknown said...

I am so touched by your story and also grieve your loss. As a Mother I can only imagine what you must be feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Much love and many blessings!
Vickie

the fowlers said...

I know a lot of people came here from the love bomb, but Kathleen is one of my best friends and I met Jeff a few times. What a fun personality! It's a huge loss.
I don't think there are any words I can say that are adequate, especially now that I'm a mother myself. Just know that there have been and still are many, many thoughts and prayers going out for you and your family. I hope you can feel them.

amanda said...

oh, bonnie,
my heart hurts for you.
you are in my thoughts and prayers and in my heart.
know that you are never, ever alone.
your family loves you unconditionally. nothing will ever take that away.

sending peace and love and hope your way. <3

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's terrible to feel so much and have to think about it constantly. Just remember: You can do hard things.
Many prayers are with you.

BrewCity_Fisk said...

Bonnie,

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you must feel. I have three beautiful kids and I can't even think about losing one of them. My mind gets overwhelmed if I even approach the subject. I can't imagine living through it.

I pray that you will experience, on a deep and personal level, the grace and comfort that only God can give.

Scott

Laura C said...

You seem like a wonderful, beautiful, strong, woman and I hope that you find comfort in this rough period.

Keeping you in my prayers.
Keep on keeping on.

Andrea said...

You're a numbers person, so use that to your advantage. Try counting the seconds that you have shared your love with your son and know that for his whole life, he knew nothing else. That is an awesome gift.

May you find peace in your heart and a quiet mind.

Love and Hugs,
Andrea

Lotus said...

Hi Bonnie!
I am sooo sorry for your loss! I just wanted to toss my prayers in and let you know that someone in North Cali is thinking about you and your family!
Lotus

Ballong said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear that you have to go through this.

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,

There are thousands of people whose lives have been changed by being interwoven with the lives of your children, many of them will have been changed for the better because of knowing them...
I truly hope that thinking about this for a moment may bring you a small measure of comfort although I understand that the loss you have faced before and face again now is a devastating and unimaginable pain for the majority of people in this world. I truly believe that your children made the world a better place because they were in it - for however short a time it may have been...

Peace and love

Kate

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,

There are thousands of people whose lives have been changed by being interwoven with the lives of your children, many of them will have been changed for the better because of knowing them...
I truly hope that thinking about this for a moment may bring you a small measure of comfort, although I understand that the loss you have faced before and face again now is a devastating and unimaginable pain for the majority of people in this world. I truly believe that your children made the world a better place because they were in it - for however short a time it may have been...

Peace and love

Kate

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,

There are thousands of people whose lives have been changed by being interwoven with the lives of your children, many of them will have been changed for the better because of knowing them...
I truly hope that thinking about this for a moment may bring you a small measure of comfort although I understand that the loss you have faced before and face again now is a devastating and unimaginable pain for the majority of people in this world. I truly believe that your children made the world a better place because they were in it - for however short a time it may have been...

Peace and love

Kate

Josh said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry for what you and your family are having to go through. I am sending thoughts of love, strength and peace your way.

Anonymous said...

Bonnie, I can't imagine what you are going through right now. You are in my prayers. Stay strong. Lots of love your way.

Jeffrey said...

Bonnie.

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. You don't know me, but I lost both of my parents in a car accident a few months ago, so I can empathize with your loss. I'm sending you and your family virtual hugs. Stay strong.

Jeffrey
Pittsburgh, PA

Chris Hansen said...

Bonnie - I'm so very sorry for your loss. As a mom myself, I can (sort-of) imagine the pain you're enduring right now. Please know that I am sending light and love your way, for strength and support, and comfort. Be well. Chris

Lola Hamers said...

I nearly cried when I heard about your loss. I feel so sorry for you. I wish you the best of luck in the rest of your life. You'll get through this. <3

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,
there is no way to say that I feel your pain (who can? loss and sorrow is so personal), or to let you know how closely I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers without sounding trite. All I can say is that my heart is with you, and that I wish I could be, too. It isn't something that I would say lightly: I absolutely mean that I wish I could be part of your life right now in order to lend you strength and support. As it is, know that you are supported not only by your loving friends and family, but people who you've never met who feel for you on a deep, personal level. We are all with you.

Jeannette said...

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I am a new mother myself and can't imagine what you must be going through. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your loss

Unknown said...

I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you are going through.
My thoughts are with you *big hugs*

The Bookkeeper's Apprentice said...

Please know how sorry I am for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Helen said...

Hello dear Bonnie,
I've come to say that I'm very sorry for your loss, even though probably the majority of us cannot feel what you feel right now.. I just hope you believe in God and that life doesn't end after we leave this physical world.. I also hope somewhere deep in your heart you know your kids are with you, and you all will always stay together.. some are visible, some are not. But you're altogether. You know, when my father died a few years ago, I felt it so strong that I knew he was around. Even my mom, who didn't normally believe in such things, said that she did, too. This is true and it helps a lot when we realize it. I believe losing kids is different than losing parents, but in the end we lose someone we love and who is very close to us. I wish you will find comfort and peace. You look like a wonderful and strong person to me, and I believe you will do it.
Hugs

Katie Watson said...

You dear sweet lady. I have just spent the last 2 hours reading your blog and you are such a funny, forthright woman. I love it.
I thank God am not in your "club" but have lost my 19 year old brother and then 2 years ago lost my 19 year old brother-in-law to a drunk driver. My parents and in-laws are in the club, so I do know all about the club that you speak of.
There is a wonderful group that you have probably heard a about called compassionate friends that helped my parents a lot after losing my brother. My FIL liked it too but it was too much for my MIL but she is the type that keeps it all locked inside so she didn't like the openness of the group setting. I think it is a wonderful group and the whole "not wearing the seatbelt for 2 years" thing, they would totally get (see, I told you I read your blog!).
It's so weird, you worried so much about Jeff and that motorcycle. It wasn't just anxiety obviously, you knew that it was very dangerous. A mother just knows that her child is in danger. He seemed like a free spirit and I am sure that he continues to be a free spirit.
I am so sorry for your losses. As you know, there is nothing anyone can say or do to make things better. Time is the only thing that helps.
My prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry.

colleen said...

My thoughts are with you and your family. No one should have to feel such loss. Please stay strong!

An Average Jane said...

Sending love your way. May you receive God's comfort.

Unknown said...

Dear Bonnie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are a beautiful, wonderful woman. You didn't deserve this; no one does.

I wish I could say I understand what you are going through, but I don't. All I can do is try to understand, and through trying to understand, I am truly heartbroken for you.

Thank you for being such a strong woman; through sharing your loss of Jeff with complete strangers, you are helping so many others who have gone through what you must deal with. I know that Jeff is in a beautiful place, watching you, loving you and feeling proud to have a mother like you.

I am sending you my love, my prayers and my thoughts. I hope you find solace in the prayers and thoughts that so many are directing your way, even though it can't fill that void in your heart.

Thank you again for sharing this with us. You are proof that humans are capable of incredible strength, even when dealt with the most unbearable situations.

From Milwaukee with so Much Love,

Alicia

Samantha said...

You are a wonderful, beautiful, strong woman. I know you can get through anything - no ifs ands or buts. You'll keep going, and your boys will be so proud of you <3

Eleanor said...

My prayers are with you and your family!!!

Jeffrey Kingman said...

Bonnie,

I am so sorry for your losses. Blessings and love to you and your family.

Jeff
Portland, OR

Being Shaelicious said...

Bonnie, my heart aches for you and your family. Sending a "love bomb", hugs and peace to you all.

Shae
Harrisonburg, VA

Connie said...

Bonnie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Bear it through. You have our support. I am praying for you.

KB said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Unknown said...

Bonnie,
I am so sorry for your losses. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May you continue to find the strength you need.

Anonymous said...

60% of your posterity is still around. more than half!
everything happens for a reason.

Anonymous said...

I have no words...
I have lost a my Father and a brother, yet losing a child... it is unnatural. One should never see a child go before them. My heart goes out to you and your family. I can not imagine the strength one needs to continue on for the sake of the rest of their family. I wish you all the strength you need to keep going.

Anonymous said...

Bonnie: As a mother I can not imagine the pain you must be feeling. I hope somehow, someday you find solace in your memories and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss. You, and your family, will be kept in my prayers.

Unknown said...

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers <3

Ashley said...

I'm soo sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sending love and prayers to your family.

merymete said...

Bonnie, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you, and you are in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you, that you will find peace in this situation. Loss is never easy, but I have faith that you are strong enough to make it through.
With love

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Don't give up. Tomorrow might be good for something.

Ginelle Flores said...

This must be tough, but you are a strong woman!
keep moving forward!! :)
*virtual hug*

Anonymous said...

You are truly a strong woman, and my heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to you. You and your family are loved more than you could comprehend, and there are so many people here with you to help you get through this. You are in my prayers!

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

Oh man. I am so sorry.

Karencilla said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry for your losses.
You are such a strong woman. And there are no words that can soothe the pain of this.
Hang in there. You and your family are in my prayers tonight.

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,
We do not know what you are going through. We have never been through such an experience. We cannot say we know how you feel. We don't. However, please believe us when we say that we - complete strangers - wish we could just take it all away. Take away your pain and sorrow.

A thought; when I dream of family or friends that have passed away, I like to think it was that person stopping by for a visit. I hope your children visit you soon.

Christi

Unknown said...

it really is better to have loved and lost than to not have ever experianced that love.
I can't imagine your pain, can't even guess at it, but I can think about you.
I'm so sorry.

Elli said...

Wow. I can't possibly imagine what it'd be like to have all of this trouble in your life. Hugs and love to you.

Best wishes in all things. <3

gracie.w said...

Dear Bonnie,

I am so sorry for your devastating loss. I am not sure anything anyone says can ease your pain, but please dont lose sight of the fact that you are surrounded by lots of love and support. Stay strong!

Lots of love,
Grace

Lisa said...

There are no words, are there? Holding you and your family in the Light and wishing you peace as you walk your path.

Chris said...

I pray that you feel the loving touch of God who is cradling you in your pain and holding your sons gently in his arms. May you walk with Him in your darkness knowing that He will help you once again find the light. My heart is broken for you and your family and I am sending many soft, gentle hugs so you will know I care.

Jenn said...

you will always have the memories and you will always know how much your children have loved you.

i'm so sorry for your loss, i hope the days have gotten a little easier for you with time passing.

Julie said...

Bonnie, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

*Hugs*

Julie
British Columbia, Canada

k.c. said...

My heart is with you and your family....

i lost my mom almost six years ago to cancer. it was my grandmother's second child (of 3) that she lost. i do believe she would understand your numbers and grief.... i am constantly amazed at her strength to continue to be so open and loving in spite of all of her loss throughout life. i know there are not words to comfort...i have found some comfort in my grief by sharing with those who can understand or relate..... i hope you will find some peace from the love coming your way... i will continue to send thoughts of peace and love to you and your family.

in peace,
kc

hilary said...

Dear Bonnie,

I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I am praying for you as a mother, for your family and for your sons in heaven. May God carry you in his arms.

Love and prayers from Australia

H

Anonymous said...

My children are little, I have two. I cannot fathom the loss you are suffering but can send you and your family love and prayers. May God bring you strengh may together you all find peace.

Lauren said...

I can't even imagine what you're going through right now, it has to be hard. Know that you're in the prayer's and loved by many. Love and praying for you.

Unknown said...

My love and prayers go out to you and your family! I cannot even begin to understand the pain that you must be feel, but as mother to two sons of my own (along with two daughters) I know what a loss it would be.

Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts!

Rach said...

I cannot even begin to understand the loss that you are feeling right now. Nobody should have to go through this pain. I admire the strength you have and know that you will be in my thoughts.

Sending love your way.

Rach x

Birdie said...

I'm not a mom, so I can only imagine your loss, but I know that it is massive. I hope that you and your family are able to find peace. I'm sending lots and lots of love your way, along with prayers.

Nate St. Pierre said...

Bonnie, I'll keep you and your family in prayer this week.

Unknown said...

Bonnie I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I am so sorry for your loss. Lots of love, Celia

Bianca said...

Bonnie-
I've thought of you so much since I heard the news about Jeff and wanted to send love your way even though you don't know me that well.
Your family made such good impression on me when I met them on your visit to Provo years ago and I am so sorry for your loss.
I love to read what you have to write. You always have such a good, thoughtful outlook and I can tell where Megan gets her sense of humor! Know that there are so many people thinking about your family and praying that you will be comforted.
lots of love,
bianca schwarz

TheCrazyCrone said...

Bonnie & Family - I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my very deep sympathy and know that I'll hold you all in my heart at such a difficult time in your lives. Many blessings to you all. Mo Davies

Allison said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you know that there are so many people thinking of your family and praying for you.

Winny Hanako said...

Dear Bonnie, I lost my brother a while back and I know that my mother never forgets him. I too miss him very much. Please feel comfort in the knowledge that your loved ones share your pain, even though they might not feel it as much as you do. I hope that you spread your love to those around you and feel their love for you. Take Care, Winny

Ama said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even fathom how hard that must be for you. Your in my thoughts.

Unknown said...

I lost my Grandfather this past week, so my family is also dealing with some hurt. I can't imagine how it must be to lose a son, but God is with you in the sadness. Just keep going. Praying!

CV said...

Bonnie,
I'm so sorry for your lost. I will keep you in my prayers. I am sending love and many hugs your way. I hope God gives you the strength to overcome this tragic loss.
Love
Carol

Anonymous said...

Sending you immense love and support.

~Monica
Victoria, BC Canada

Kendra Sue said...

Bonnie,
I don't know you, but I love you. I'll be praying for your well being and those of your family. *hug* Heavenly Father is aware of your pain and He is there for you. It makes the doctrine of eternal families that much sweeter. Sending love.
Kendra

watergirl40 said...

BONNIE...
we have never met, and probably never will, but you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers this day. all lives are connected each one to the next, then the next, touching each other in so many ways, some known but many more unknown. because i believe this, your pain has touched me, and i feel jeffs loss from this world, and i hope that one day you may feel the love and healing energy that i send to you.
"cry when you must, smile when you can, and hold tight to those who are left behind" ...holocaust survivor
peace & blessings...susan

Vanyvalu said...

Dear Bonnie, eventhough i don´t know yoy, my heart aches at knowing your sad lost. I´m a mom too and i can´t imagine the pain you surely feel.
I´m sending you hugs amounts of love, to you and your family, embracing you tenderly and wishing for you infinite blessings in this sad moment and every day of your life.

Little_Lotte said...

*hugs*

Helen Cosner said...

Peace to you. You sound like an amazing mama and I am so sorry for your loss.

Unknown said...

You don't know me, I don't know you. I hope you read this though. I forget where I heard this, but it sticks. And it's hope. And when you feel hope, remember what it feels like.
You must live in hell before you live in Heaven

Tabitha said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not religious in any way, but I believe that so long as someones memories stay alive, they cannot truly die.

Unknown said...

I'm am truly sorry to hear about your loss, there are no words that can make things better. I only hope you have the strength to get through this and stay strong

cousins said...

Bonnie, your son has not left you. Jeff is still with you, around you, loving you always in the happier place that he is in now. You are a wonderful mother, and I trust and know that you have children everywhere, people who see you as a mother, as an angel like Jeff did. You are a strong and beautiful woman, and we will always be behind you and in our prayers.

annalisalikespickles@gmail.com

anytime you need a friend, anytime at all. <3

Call it Adventure said...

Bonnie, you are so in my thoughts and my prayers. Reading this, my heart broke. No one should have to feel that loss, and I can't even imagine what it is you're going through, but my heart goes out to you. I will pray that you can have the strength you need to get through the days.

Know that there are hearts and minds all over the world with you and that though it feels that way, you are not alone.

Anna Walker said...

Oh my gosh! I am so so so sorry for your loss, you are so in my prayers, and I hope that with each day you are able to be a little stronger and the pain will be a little less.

I can't believe you did the numbers, now that shows strength. Hold in there and I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Melanie said...

Bonnie, you don't know me, but I found you through Love Bomb. My heart truly goes out to you...I lost my firstborn son on Sept. 25, 2009. He was just 21 years old. A mother's heart never heals from this horrible loss. I cannot fathom the loss of 2 children...I just don't even know what else to say except that I'm so, so sorry. I will also say a prayer for you that you may somehow feel God's arms around you. Please also know that other people - yes, even us "strangers" out there - care.

Hugs,
Melanie

Kelly said...

Bonnie,
I have no idea what it feels to be in your shoes. But I have been in those moments of live and loss where I "did the math". I was expected to be strong and be a light to people in similar situations and all I remember feeling was the thought "I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the one who goes through this. I don't want to be strong, I just want it all back." Amazingly, I did find a peace eventually. Amazingly, I was strong eventually. Amazingly, I was a light and I helped others eventually. I still find myself saying that "this isn't the story I want to tell. I wish I couldn't connect with such loss." But most days I am at peace that passes understanding. And I have been able to comfort others through loss which really is a blessing to do! I want my loss back, but I also wouldn't want to lose any of those broken hearts I have cared for.
You are the best possibly mother and wife for your family. You are a light. Nothing can make up for your loss, but everyday you continue to shine, you help others with their loss. I know it isn't much comfort. I know. But it is something. Final thought: Don't be afraid to find peace and happiness. Because when you find it you can show others the way to get there too.

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I am a stay at home mom but the clock is ticking. My husband and I only have one child left at home. I enjoy shopping and finding great bargains.